Shall we try this again?

I'm going to give this another shot! I've taken some time off from writing here. Mostly on purpose, w/a little too busy sprinkled on top.

There has been so many changes these last few months, I'm not even going to attempt to bring ya'll up to speed, so let's just dig right in!

Next time.

There will be a next time. Soon.

Promise!

thanks for sticking around i see you didn't give up on me all these months

Filler up!

In my attempt to try to write a poised and articulate status for ya'all today, I have managed to just mumble my way through. Rather than erase it all and start again, I decided I'd just apologize in advance.
I'm sorry.
Carry on!
You've been warned.

Spring is here.

Lawn raked, first meal grilled over charcoal and I had my first sip of beer. Truly. I opened a beer, had a sip, walked away and forgot.

I have many flaws, this is just one of them. I routinely open a beverage, partake in a few drinks, and leave the rest to A) be consumed by my husband B) sit in the fridge with the hopes that I (or someone else) will return and finish until a day or 2 later when it just gets poured out C) carried to the truck whilst I run errands, never to actually be sipped from again, then left until I need the cup holder. (to hold another beverage that I will likely not drink)

I've been running lately. I have such runners envy. I want so much to be a runner. I have signed up for my 2nd ever 5k this May. The last 5k I did was with a friend who is less of a runner than me. I trained, she did not, I ended up walking much of the race. Not this time. This time I am going to run. The.whole.thing. I have a long way to go! I'm trying to not let myself get discouraged, mind over matter, I can do it! And then I get outside, I run a little, and then my brain begins --- I can't breathe, my legs are tired, my heart is racing, I wonder how far I have run, how much further do I have to go, I can't breather, why do I do this to myself, why can't I just run, I'm running too fast, wait this is too slow, it's practically a walk, ok, just to the corner then I'll walk, ok not the corner, just the last driveway....and then I stop running. Gratefully, the distances in which I'm able to run are getting longer before the brain eventually takes over and I have to walk a little before I begin running again.

My girlfriend downloaded some awesome songs for me to put on the ipod to run to and, boy she was right! They did help today! One of the songs was so in rythym with my pace, and each step was so right on with the beat of the song, that I thought it would be a disgrace to finish running before the song was over, so I kept going. The song eventually had to end though. And so did I. 6 more weeks. Cross your fingers!

Monday marks the most recent season of sports for our family. Football, basketball, snowboarding have all ended. Welcome soccer! Christian will play, Brian will coach, I will sit in my chair and Benjamin....well, I'm not sure what Benjamin will be doing, but the 3 of us are anxious to get the season started! Let the games begin!

The end.

Slacker

I'm anti-facebook this month (and last). For Lent.

Seems I've accidentally let that apply to this blog as well.

Sigh....

I don't mean to be so intermittent with my posts. I really don't. In fact there have been lots and lots of goodies to talk about and share with all of you.

My dear sweet Christian received his 1st Holy Communion, we had another amazing teacher's dinner, book club this month was phenomenal (truly above and beyond!), we went away for spring break on a mini-cation, we had fantastic conferences with the boys' teachers, and oodles more I'm sure.

I doubt that I'll ever get the chance (or take the chance should one arise) to bring you all more details. Each of those events held a different meaning for me. Christian reaching his 1st Communion was just one more reminder that my children are getting older. It makes my heart soar and cry just thinking about it.

March 31st passed.

I'm still here.

In fact, the week of that anniversary, I thought about the marvelous changes in my life that are possible because of those dreadful 3 weeks in 2010. There have been rewards in ways that I didn't recognize at the time. Not only in friendships, but in perspective.

I miss him. So much. However, I am grateful for the blessings that came out of the fog.

I prefer to focus on those....

Countdown

Today marks the countdown of March. The first day of March means that inevitably there will be a last day of March. March 31st.

Deep breath.

I met someone last week, and when we were talking it slipped out. "My dad died last year" It's the first time I've said that 'd' word out loud. In that sentence. I haven't been able to say that sentence with that word. I've alluded to it. Glossed around it. Tip toed silently...

I don't know why I couldn't say it-- and haven't been able to since. Maybe I was afraid that if I said it out loud it would mean that not only did I accept it, but I was ok with it. Like "brr, it's cold outside"

I've accepted it. Mostly because the evidence is clear. He hasn't been around. He wasn't with us for Christmas. There have been no visits. The boys didn't get birthday surprises from him. I never see him.

But I'm not ok with it. Not sure when I ever will be.

I go in phases. Some times are more difficult than others. This month? Well, we're only one day in, but it seems that there are reminders everywhere.

I miss him.

No sleds necessary

.


Gone are the days of using sleds



enter snowboards


so that sledding with GIFT


becomes snowboarding instead.


Start facing one way and land facing another!



The weather this day was nearly 50, and we were surrounded by our wonderful friends from GIFT! The snow made a perfect cushion, and in our case slowed them down, which allowed the boys to work on their tricks w/o going too fast!

Thank you GIFT for a beautiful day of fellowship, feasting, and memory making!

One year ago today....

Seems the difficult days are coming closer and closer together as we draw closer to March 31st.

This is what happened 1 year ago today. One of the hardest days I've experienced in my life. Even during all of the time that I spent watching him...leave us...this was one of the worst.

I still can't use the 'd' word. In any form. Past present...doesn't matter, I can't do it. It's hard.

No words

I could try to come up with adjectives and witty comments. But I'll keep it brief, and just let these links do the talking.

We're part of something amazing at this school. I'm able to call it my former school, my children's school, and my place of employment. I've met life long friends, wonderful acquaintances and supportive colleagues.

It's a blessing.

Lincoln is the best.

(the second video is most important right around 15:40 where our principal is recognized for his amazing efforts at our school)

Not to mention the fact that one of my very dear friends has been recognized as volunteer of the year for the entire city of Rochester. It is a priviledge to call her my friend, and even more, she is like a big sister to me. She is amazing.

Honored to be apart of it all!

Birthdays and babies and bumbles oh my!

Since we last chatted, so much has gone on.

My baby turned 11. Crazy. Sad. Wonderful. Scary! He's amazing and charming and all things good. 11. Wow.

My grandmother turned 90. Crazy! I threw her a party. It was perfect!

Several of our friends and family had babies this month. They smell so good. They are tiny. They are beautiful. I still don't want another one! Test initiated, and passed thankyouverymuch!

I've been a little bit of a slacker with PPT this past month. I've missed a few things that I should have been on tip of, but they've been addressed and it's as if nothing happened. I'm better now. It seems that when things are slow, the less I get done. Now that we're back into a routine, and things have picked up again, I'm on top of it all again! Yay me!

Now, the next big thing. Benjamin's birthday. 13. Yikes!

Practice

There are those who dive, those who paint, and those who build. All of these people practice their craft to improve, and even perfect their art.

This?

This is something I work on, and pray about so frequently. I will never reach perfection.

Maybe for you it's a college roommate, or a neighbor, a parent or a spouse. Perhaps it's a child, a coworker, an uncle or even just the lunatic who stole your parking spot. It matters not who you feel wronged by...this applies to us all.

In life, we all have unfair things that happen to us. We can choose to hold on to the hurt, become bitter and angry, and let it poison our future; or, we can choose to let it go and trust God to make it up to us. You not think that you are able to forgive because someone hurt you so badly. You might say, “But, you don’t know how I was raised.” “My ex-spouse caused me a lot of pain.” “This friend betrayed me.” “I just can’t let it go.” But realize, you don’t forgive for their sake; you forgive for your own sake. When you forgive, you are taking away their power to hurt you. But if you hold on to that offense and stay angry, you are only poisoning your own life and disconnecting yourself from God. Forgiveness is like a door on your heart. If you shut the door and refuse to forgive, then God cannot forgive you. But when you open the door and allow forgiveness to flow from you, then His forgiveness can flow into you. Choose to forgive and open the door to receive God’s life, peace and healing today.

Father God, thank You for the gift of forgiveness that sets me free. Help me to truly understand what it means to forgive so I can receive Your forgiveness. Search me today and have Your way in my heart. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Princess Callie

Today, was a good day. We got to spend the day with this beauty. Simply lovely.

Not one picture

was taken while we celebrated the end of 2010 with some wonderful friends! How can that be?

Happy New Year to all of you! May 2011 bring blessings all year through!

A recap of the year will follow soon!

Love to you for sticking with me this year as I blundered my way through the most difficult struggle of my life!