Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Like just over a year ago, when we went walking up in Quarry Hill and he asked me to be his wife!
The best part of this story, is that he brought me there with the intention of proposing....but not where he did. He had a plan, but seized the spontaneous opportunity to do it where he did. I'm a fool! I really didn't see it coming. I thought it was amazing that the sign actually mentioned proposals, and I couldn't wait to read it with my own eyes! Imagine my surprise when I turned around and saw my handsome, uh, boyfriend, on his knee! He said some very sweet things (that I will keep to myself[ooh, maybe I can keep a secret!]) But I clearly remember the very look on his face when he said "It's been a long time, and it's been long enough, Jodie will you be my wife" I cried and cried. Until he said "Um, honey, are you going to answer because my knee is starting to hurt!" I laughed through my tears and grabbed him and said "yes yes yes yes!!!"
It is amazing that after so many years of calling him my friend, then my boyfriend, that now I have the absolute privilege of calling him my husband. I am so blessed to be able to go through this life with him by my side. We have alot to do, and alot to see, and there is no one I would rather do and see it with. Isn't it great when fantasy gets to be reality too?
I know he is blushing while he reads this...aww honey, I do I do!
In the midst of VBS camps, parades, downtown concerts, new member brunches at church and beer chugging contests between a tiny little lady and a couple of (not classified as tiny) men, I managed to have some not me moments last week! Do you have moments that you wish you could take back? Did you do anything this past week that absolutely no one should find out? Then Not Me Monday is for you! This is a place to come clean with all the not me moments of the past week. For instance;
I did not drink a glass of milk only to find out it was 2% instead of skim, give Brian a hard time for purchasing the wrong kind, swear I wouldn't be able to drink anymore, and proceed to drink 2 or three more glasses. After all he bought 2 gallons of it, and I couldn't let it go to waste. And under no circumstances did I enjoy a single drop of it
I did not notice this week how old my body is getting when I was doing lunges and had achy achy knees afterward. I certainly was not doing said lunges after swearing that I would never do them again after working with my trainer.
Speaking of getting old. It wasn't me who nearly called the radio station because I was upset about one of the songs that they played while Benjamin was reading in his room and listening to that particular station. I did not have flashbacks of my mom forbidding me to listen to that music, and decide that she was indeed right. KROC just isn't fit for kids
I did not come up with an escape route while I was on the segway during the Rochesterfest parade. I was not thinking about how I would get away w/o anyone noticing me so that I could keep the segway. No, not me!
When Saturday morning rolled around and there were flashes of thunder and lightning and pouring rain, I did not secretly praise God that I didn't have to get out of bed to do the garage sale. And absolutely under no circumstances did I change my mind later that morning and ask my husband to set it up...and then leave it to him to monitor while I went grocery shopping and baked in the house. Nope not me!
During the ChesterBay concert, after watching a man dance wildly in the middle of the crowd, and having watched girls Benjamin and Christian's ages dance around in a group, I did not have a single moment where I wished I was not there with my family so that I could let loose and dance too. I did not give thought to letting Brian leave with the boys (when they were ready) so that I could stay and dance!
And lastly, I did not move into a house, begin decorating it, planning my gardens and holiday parties--in my mind-- only to find out it has already been sold and the inspections are done...closing date July 17th. ARGH!! The disappointment!
Still, I know He will help us find the right house for our family, and I just have to trust that this one was not meant to be.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
And truly, I didn't anticipate feeling so sad about it. THE Michael Jackson has died. Is that even possible? I mean really? I am using this picture because this is the Michael I will remember and miss.
I remember being afraid of the video thriller when it came out. It was something like 15 minutes long, and I remember watching it at my Aunt Mychelle's house with all of my older cousins. The carpet was blue, (strange that I remember that) and we were all so excited to watch this video we had heard BJ talking about. Then I watched it. Mind you, I was only 5 or so at the time, and I was trying to be a big girl with all the big kids, so I couldn't very well TELL them I was afraid. I couldn't leave when everyone else was so thoroughly engrossed in this terrifying video. And the end....I still get chills. Man he was good!
I never mastered the moonwalk. I never really tried. But boy was it fun to watch him perform. "Billie Jean is not my lover" had absolutely no meaning to a child of my age, so I would go around singing that over and over...."Wanna be startin something?" again, no clue what I am singing about. Bad, Beat it, Smooth Criminal...none of these are lyrical geniuses. But it was MJ in his prime. And you couldn't help but like them.
I will always remember one of the Lincoln at Mann productions that we had as a whole school. Now, each class does them on their own individual nights, but when I went to Lincoln we did it ALL at once, one big night at the theater. Of course, with all classes, students, parents and teachers in one place at the same time, our little gymnasium couldn't hold us all, so we would go to larger venues. Many times it was John Marshall, but there was one in particular that was held at the Mayo Civic Center. (you know, old school Mayo Civic Center) This production theme was "We are the World" Can you guess what song we ALL sang, while holding hands, and dancing? It was so beautifully done, and I will always remember it. That song was co written by MJ, and it still has the same silly effect on me now when I hear it as it did then.
MJ was an amazing performer, no matter what turn he took later in life, he still managed to hold our attention. He stands out as an artist, and regardless of the changes that took place in recent years, now that he is gone I will remember him not for who he was recently, but who he was then. A star. A soft spoken, passionate, multi talented super star.
He was the King of Pop after all.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I have found that cleaning with vinegar and water (sometimes with baking soda, depending on the job) is just as effective as expensive cleaners. I can't tell you the last time I bought a bottle of cleaner...I do still have some unfinished bottles under the sink that I am having a hard time finishing up. Yes Tahnee, you are right....again!
NO MORE PLASTIC BAGS!! Woo hoo!! My purses have become totes. This way if I forget to bring in a reusable bag, I can still leave w/o taking a plastic one. Except for the day we worked with the sweet old(er) nun at Community Clothesline. Brian and I purchased a few large items and a few smaller items. A trivet, a book and a plastic funnel for putting birdseed into the feeders....and we TRIED to leave w/o a bag. She wouldn't listen. "No, really we don't want a bag, we live right around the corner, we can just carry it." She stopped what she was doing, looked me directly in the eye and said "They are free, just take one" So we did. You know because it was free. Sigh...some people just don't get it.
When we eat out, we try to eat at our local downtown stores. I can't live w/o my Panera or Noodles now and then...but we have some FANTASTIC downtown restaurants, and we are more than thrilled to give them our business!
I have now been
irritated that it is taking so long patiently waiting for the city to have some mulch for Brian and I to pick up for the gardens. Instead of buying bags of mulch this year, we will take my dad's truck and fill it up to the heavens with wood from the city, and dump it straight onto spread it gently onto the garden. Never mind that it has been 2 weeks, and they still don't have any....patience right?
My grocery shopping has changed too. We still have our indulgences now and then, but we eat much more organically than ever before. And fresh. It means more frequent trips to the store, but it is definitely worth it. Too bad organic produce, and flax seed, whole wheat flour, and many of our other healthy choices don't have frequent coupons. I can't coupon as much as I used to and the Farmers Market doesn't take coupons at all (go figure)....but that is the price I pay for healthy eating!
These are just a few of our life changes, I am just a work in progress. I am truly excited about the direction we are going in, and I LOVE how enthusiastic the boys are getting about living simply. Of course, they are impressionable boys and at an age where having lots-o-stuff is
always always always sometimes better. But they are listening when I explain to them the reasons behind our --um, madness? We enjoy reading the labels from food and personal care products to clothing and toys and everything in between. Still many many changes for our family to make, but I am excited to learn and grow...instead of treating it as a trend, I am relishing it as a lifestyle, and am sponging up what I am learning!
Now....to plant a garden and keep it alive and weed free....remember my dream
house yard? Working on that....
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
–adjective 1. involving or suggesting the supernatural; unearthly or uncanny: a weird sound; weird lights.
2. fantastic; bizarre: a weird getup.
3. Archaic. concerned with or controlling fate or destiny.
1. unnatural, preternatural. weird, eerie, unearthly, uncanny refer to that which is mysterious and apparently outside natural law.
No, this is not a post about the word. You don't think I would do that do you? Bear with me here for a bit though. This is one of the words that does not fit the "i" before "e" except after "c" rule. I hate the exceptions, they throw me off. And I used to be in spelling bees.....
I have been doing a lot of praying for The offenders. Now mind you, they probably aren't obvious offenders to people like you, just offenders to people like me. I get to be the lucky one. Anyway, I haven't really seen a change, of course, it is quite soon since "the talk" but still...no real change. So I pray. I battle my human desires to just throw in the towel, move in another direction and just forget it. Somedays I think it would be easier. But, God never said our road would be easy did He?
Ok, to the point.
When I started to rethink the route I was taking as far as praying for the afore mentioned, and started to think perhaps I should do something different, I read this;
Compassionate forbearance given to one who offends you, instead of seeking for them the punishment they actually deserve.
What good does it do for our own spirits for us to spend time seeking to ensure that those who offend us get their just deserts?
None at all.
Compliments of MckMama.
So, I am back at it. I will continue to pray that things will turn around. I will continue to pray that things will indeed continue to get better for all involved. I will also pray for guidance in my interactions so that this will continue to not affect me negatively. And again, I will thank Him for introducing me to MckMama!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Ok, I just posted a note that I had been working on for a couple days. (so look for that after this post) SO much as been going on however, and since this is just as much for me to look back on our lives each week as it is for you, I really wanted to touch (just briefly) on each one. So we will travel back--if you will kindly oblige-- to last Thursday June 11th.
- Thursday Benjamin and the First Players band played at the beginning of the Honkers game. First they stood outside the gates and performed while people purchased their tickets and went in. Then they went inside and played in front of home plate. They did a fantastic job, and we had a lot of fun with the Naptons and Robelias. Brian and I had never gone to a Honkers game before, and I hope this is just the beginning of many!
- Saturday we went to Inver Grove Heights where our friend Mike has moved his Houseboat business. He has been in Wabasha for something like 12 years, and just moved to IGH this year, so he had a kick off party.
We had lunch, took a boat ride, played bags....it was GORGEOUS out! We had a great time and we are prayerful that Mike will establish a great client base in his new location!
- When we left the marina we went to Half Price Books. One of our favorite things to do as a family is browse bookstores. We all looked and looked, and when we left we had 12 books and the first season of The Office for only $34!! Great shopping!
- We came back to Rochester and got ready for a bridal shower for Viann that was being held at Sontes. Sontes (saun-tay) is a tapas restaurant in Rochester that uses mostly local and organic produce and ingredients. It was absolutely delish! There were 6 other couples with us, so we had many many different dishes to taste! We had a wonderful time with Brian's coworkers....and look forward to our next dinner at Sontes.
- Sunday Brian and I cleaned out our garage. I don't think it had ever seen a broom before Brian and I, so it was quite the undertaking. But, it looks fantastic now, and it feels really good to have it done. One of my very favorite chores around the house is vacuuming. I just love the sound of things going in the hose, and I can't get over the fact that one moment it is there and the next GONE! Instant gratification! I got a little carried away with the shop vac out there. After vacuuming the garage walls and windows, and doors and floor (like I said, it had never been cleaned before us) I took the shop vac to the patio, and got rid of all the helicopters. But it didn't end there--along the side of the house, behind my flowers, along the short brick wall....Brian probably thinks I have a problem. But I was occupied, and I didn't find other things for him to do, nor was I over his shoulder so he pretended to ignore my compulsive vacuuming!
- The rest of the week is a blur. Between being sick, running errands, organizing garage sale, wrapping up ViE for the year, there is little to report except;
- Wednesday we had an outdoor service at our church. It was a small gathering, but was quite special. We ate dinner outside and had a small child friendly service with fun music that I haven't heard since the boys were very young. It really made me wish they could have been there, they would have loved it! We haven't seen many of the couples from our GIFT group for awhile so it was quite a treat to catch up with a few of them during the dinner. I am looking forward to joining the moms group on Tuesday mornings, and seeing them again soon!
- Friday night we went to Viann's wedding. It was a very small wedding at the Radisson, there were only about 40 people total. It was beautifully done, and Viann made a beautiful bride! Her husband, Yzan, is greek, so they played greek music, and we all joined in for some greek dancing! It was an experience Brian and I have never had before and we are grateful to Viann and Yzan for sharing their beautiful day with us!
- Saturday was cleaning day. The garage sale is this weekend, so we had to really work to get ready for it. I had a garage sale the summer before we moved and we got rid of SO much then....but now I am absolutely purging our home of things I don't want. No more furniture that I bought "to get us by" no more chach-kies that I will never display again, no more toys that never get touched! It will be interesting to see what actually goes, but I can say that NONE of it will be coming back into this house!
- After cleaning and purging all day Brian and I went to the Plummer House for a mystery theater sponsered by the Elder Network. We met another couple from the pharmacy there and the 4 of us spent the evening trying to solve a murder! Til Death Do Us Part was the theme of the evening, and we had to find out who killed the Bride Bitsy. Was it Stuffy Barnacle her very new father in law? Was it Blaine Barnacle her new husband who didn't seem a bit phased after the scream and discovery that his new bride was found stabbed? Her friend Buffy, who was being blackmailed by Bitsy? Tiara Sparkles who was in love with Blaine? Heavenly Meadows, Bitsy's sister? Or one of the many other characters? It was so fun to go through the house talking with each of the actors, and asking them questions to try to solve the crime. Waiters with silver trays of wine were all around, as well as waiters with silver trays of sweet goodies like eclairs and cheesecake bites...it was such a perfect evening! Jill, Jason, Brian and I stood at the end of the hallway as the time clicked closer and closer to needing to choose our murderer and at the last moment we walked into Tiara Sparkles room. She was "shocked" that we would think it was her! She took us downstairs, and all was revealed....We were right!! The 4 of us (along with 3 others out of 70 people) chose the right murderer! We had a great time with Jill and Jason and hope to have more opportunities to spend with them!
- Today Brian and I shopped a little, did some finishing touches on our newly arranged house, and waited for the boys to come home. They were gone this past week and we are SO excited to have them home again. It just isn't the same w/o them here. Their beautiful faces are tucked into their beds, and I am just finishing up this post so I can join my fabulous husband.
It has been a wonderful weekend and I am exhausted. Tomorrow is Brian's Father's Day. Since the boys didn't get back home until this evening, we will celebrate his day tomorrow. I can't think of anyone more deserving than Brian to have a day just for him. He is patient, and generous and adoring of those boys. His eyes twinkle when he tells stories about them. He has always been so proud of them...even before he and I found each other as a couple. He has always put their needs before his own. He never lets his desires come before their best interest and for that I thank God. So to my handsome, funny, one in a million, I wish you a very happy happy day tomorrow. You deserve it!
This week the boys have VBS each morning and it is also Rochesterfest! We will probably eat downtown a few times, stop at Thursdays on First and of course have our garage sale! Brian, Benjamin and I are all in the Rochesterfest Parade on Friday so we are really looking forward to that! Should be a great week! Lets get it started!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Crazy I know.
This week the boys are gone, and today ( I started this post Thursday) I have been feeling a little sad. Brian is at work, no boys home to talk with...I'm alone and feeling a little sorry for myself.
I am discouraged with our house hunt. Brian and I have looked at many homes. We know God is in control of our house hunt. And I am trying to keep that in the front of my brain. But I want to move. I want to find our house. In the right school district. In the right neighborhood. Established neighborhood. With younger couples. We don't want our house to be a duplicate of every other home on our street. We want a beautiful yard space. Sigh...it is out there, we'll find it. And when we do, we'll jump!
I am discouraged with not having a job. It is funny, because for years, I didn't want one. I LOVE being a mom. I LOVE being involved in the school. I absolutely would never ever trade the time that I have been able to spend with my children, w/o a day care provider telling me what their day was like. I knew what their days were like because I was there. My fondest memories, and fuzzy feelings are the days that Brian and I (when he worked the 3pm-11:30pm shift) would take the boys hiking, and to the park, and eat breakfast together, and watch cartoons, read stories...You can't put a salary on that. It is priceless. I am grateful beyond words for all of the years with them.
But, they are in school now. They don't need me home during the day anymore. They look forward to coming home to an empty house once in awhile. The feel of independence. It teaches them to be responsible. I want to encourage that. So I look for positions. I apply for positions. I hear nothing back. Mind you, I don't want a career. I don't want a position that has a huge salary if it means I have to trade in my time with my family. That will never be worth the trade for me, no matter the lifestyle it would bring. If it was important, I would have done it by now. I just want something to do during the day...that does not involve staring at these 4 walls. (and one that pays well of !COURSE! is ideal!) I realize that the market is tight. Few are hiring, and those who have been laid off with more work experience, and education than me are much more attractive to employers. I get that. And truly, there are people out there who have no income at all, and quite frankly, I don't belong in a position that someone who has to be the breadwinner needs. Again, I know God is in control. The right one will come. And again, I will be ready.
Ok, so I was wallowing in these thoughts today. Poor me, I'm sick. Poor me, no houses with great yards. Poor me, I want a supplemental income for myself because I am selfish and want more than the 2 jobs I already have because they aren't "good enough".
And then I read MckMama's blog and my heart went out to this mother. She inspires me, and she encourages me every day. And after reading her message Saturday morning with Brian, we both said a prayer for her family, and for ourselves that we may remember to count our blessings rather than concentrate on what we "think" we want.
Thank you God for our healthy family. Thank you for continuing to guide me, and teach me. My eyes are WIDE open again! No more feeling sorry for myself. I only wish I could offer to Mckmama the wisdom and peace of mind she offers me.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Rest assured though my sweet friends--and loyal blog followers, I will post sometime today or tomorrow morning. For now, you should visit one of our favorite blogs;
The boys and I LOVE to follow this site. We try to read the entries before we look at the pictures, the added suspense is great! Enjoy!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Margarita Mondays should be starting soon...so look for that! A few years ago, Brian and I started Margarita Tuesdays. We would go to Benjamin's baseball game and come home and make margaritas. It was open invite, so whoever could come would come. We did this for a couple years, changing the day it fell on, but took a year off. Well folks, you've asked and asked (ok, only a few of you have) but you're right! We need to do it again, so they're back!! Only this summer it will fall on Mondays. So bring your pico, maybe some guac, and head on over to the Meurer's for Margarita Mondays. Well, not yet-- we won't be home this Monday, I'll let you know when they start!
I had a superb birthday. But with no pictures. Breakfast in bed with a harmonized birthday song, wonderful cards from the boys with wonderful messages, and some very personalized gifts! I truly am blessed to have such wonderful men in my life!
That is all I will say about our weekend, no recap this time. Why you ask? Because it is time for NOT ME MONDAY!!
I absolutely did not get choked up and teary eyed at the Pixar movie Up this weekend. No, not me. Nor did I spend the first 10 minutes of the movie envying the home and relationship between the cartoon characters. Definitely not me!
There is NO way I spent all weekend, saying "But it's my birthday" just to get out of doing some of the things I didn't want to do. And bless their hearts, they went with it. I am sure I will get it paid back 10 fold when their birthdays role around, but hey, it is only once a year right?
I did not make just under 10 dozen M&M cookies for a party that got cancelled because of the weather, only to give away half, and proceed to eat about 3 a day (ok, 4 maybe) myself each day. And now there are fewer than a dozen left.
I did not nearly cry when the teachers did their dance for the talent show today at school. No way, not "she who wears her heart on her sleeve" Jodie.
(one of the MANY MANY reasons why I love this staff!!)
Amazing Lincoln Staff at Talent Show
Absolutely under no circumstances did I bail on the PPT meeting in the evening of my birthday. It was not the last meeting of the year to wrap up all loose ends, and officially become my official first meeting as President. I certainly did not bail on said meeting "because it was my birthday"!
I did not get excited that Tricia was sick this morning since it meant that I could work for her at Lincoln. I really truly do sympathize with her, and hope that she gets better soon, but I was glad to have one more shift at Lincoln before the school year was over! And it couldn't have been a better day to work with that wonderful staff, and our fantastic students!
Ok, there you have it! Emotional and birthday indulgences....yep, that wraps up last week! I would like to say though, that I have made some progress toward the garage sale, and I confronted the issues I have been facing for a couple weeks. I took it head on, I educated myself before I went into the meeting, and I feel MUCH MUCH better! Yay me! Now we will see if any apologies or acknowledgement will come from the offenders, or if nothing will happen. But at least I know I am doing the very best I can, and with God's direction, I will continue to do what is best for me and my family.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
First we had Christian's soccer game. He played goalie for one of the quarters, and he did a fantastic job.
His flexibility amazes me! One of these days I am going to post action shots of Christian. He is a great sport when it comes to making a good picture! Anyway, his team played a great game, and as it turns out is was Christian's last for the year.
After his soccer game we stopped at the school for the garage sale that was going on. Oh. My. Goodness! They had so. much. stuff. I had been in there the day before to help...barely, ok, so I did very little helping, but I got a glimpse of all that they would be trying to sell, and I am telling you it must have come out of their ears after I left, because when I came in Sat morning I was shocked! They had a great sale, and even made a huge amount of money! Go Lincoln!
From there Brian, Christian and I drove to the cities to go to the Science Museum. We had a great time looking and playing in all of the exhibits. Christian was bouncing around, checking things out, and running from one station to the next. He didn't read many of the directions, so we were asked "What does this do" dozens of times through out the day. Who could blame him though right? I mean who wants to take the time to read the directions, lets just DO IT!
He did sit and weave for quite awhile.
He spent some time taking a culture of the inside of his cheeks. He swabbed his cheek, then added blue liquid, dried it, blotted, and looked through the microscope to see the cells. He wasn't as interested in this as Brian and I were...on to the next!!
The mummy wasn't as big a kick for him as it was for the kids in Benjamin's group, but Christian sure did enjoy nearly everything the Science Museum had to offer.
As we were leaving we went out the front doors where there were tents set up across the street in the park. We walked over and it was a Children's Festival! There were booths, and games, and face painting and music! There was even a big open space with these cool sticks and hula hoops and juggling objects...Christian LOVED it!
We spent most of our time in this area where he tried his hardest to master juggling a stick between 2 sticks. I know that sounds vague, but I really have no idea how else to describe it.
We also made a parachute in one of the tents, and visited the butterfly garden where were able to catch and hold several butterflies. There were so many different kinds, and we were surprised to see how friendly many of them were.
After the festival we drove to Woodbury for a Trader Joes stop before we came home. It was a full, exciting, wonderful day with just our Christian. The next day he just wanted to stay home, until he remembered his cousin was just blocks away. So he disappeared for part of the day while Brian and I worked in the yard.
Christian and I tend to butt heads. I don't know if it is because he is just like me, or just like his dad....either way he and I don't always see eye to eye, but boy or boy, do I love to spend time with him. He can almost always make me laugh. He is sensitive and intuitive, and wise beyond his years. He is innocent and naive and impulsive and tends to act first/think later. I am grateful for my young son, and I look forward to watching him continue to grow with the same sweet enthusiasm he has now.
I know I end many of my blogs with how grateful I am, and I talk frequently about how blessed I feel to have the friends that I do, and the family that I do. Does it get old? Will I stop? Not likely. I truly feel undeserving of the life I have. I genuinely love nearly every aspect of my life right now. My children are wonderful boys, and they are learning and growing so much everyday, that I feel almost like I am watching instead of participating somedays. I adore my husband and still sometimes marvel over the sheer outrageous luck that he and I are together after all these years, and all those changes and choices that he and made so many moons ago. And as far as my friendships go, I am just in awe that I have met such a diverse group of men and women who I absolutely enjoy. Each person is so different from the next, and in any other situation I may not have become friends with many of them. But we have been brought together in one way or another, and I feel blessed to get to know each one of them.
God has given me riches that extend much further than the bank, and I don't ever want to take it for granted. So I say it regularily so that those of you who pop in from time to time to read my blog will know. I may not say it to you each time I see you, and for many of you I just don't get to see you as much as I would like, so I want you to know you are loved and appreciated over the miles and I thank God for bringing you into my life.
So get used to it peeps. If you are reading this it is because you've touched my life in some way, and I appreciate you. And I will tell you that from time to time.
Monday, June 1, 2009
I have fantastic friends! I absolutely adore so many of the families at Lincoln. I am so so glad that the boys are able to share and experience the same school and philosophy that I had when I was their age. This coming weekend we are having a picnic with 12 other Lincoln families and I am just giddy excited about it! I cannot wait! I have alot to do to prepare for it since I am one of the hosts of said party. This year the PPT presidents (Jeff and Chris) and I auctioned a picnic at our fall auction and 10 families went in on it together, so here we are! I have alot to do between now and then, but it will be like having a birthday party, since my Bday is the next day! Good stuff!
And bad stuff...
I feel tricked. I feel insulted. I feel foolish. I feel hurt. And I feel angry. I am still upset, and while I pray and pray, I just can't seem to get used to the new direction I am forced to go in.
After years and years of trying to make do. After years and years of thinking that things were one way BAM!! I learn they are not, and they have not been for much longer than I knew. UGH! I am learning, and I am taking my time. All I can do is my best right? This past weekend I had to really bite my tongue. I was faced with the 2 angels on the shoulders. The bad angel really wanted me to make my voice be heard. But the good angel barely edged out a win, and instead there was just HIGH tension! Ugh Ugh! What I have been learning from this process though, is separation. I am able to distinguish what it is that bothers me. It is not my husband or my home, or the weather, or anything else. It is simply THIS. And THIS does not affect my sleep, it does not affect my relationship with Brian. I will not allow it to affect how I feel about myself as a mother or wife, or friend, or child of God. It is a burden that I didn't think I was prepared for, and while I would love to wish it away, I am growing because of it. Patience right?
OH! I will have to get the pictures of our weekend up so I can write about our fabulous one on one time with Christian this weekend! Soccer, science museum, Trader Joes, Chester woods park...it was a beautiful weekend! I will do that tomorrow, for now I'm going to go listen to my husband snore!