Changes

Thursday was a tough day for me. Because of that I spent most of Friday searching for solace, and hoping that I would get some good news. It never came. It occured to me that I wasn't looking in the right places because I was trying to find it on my own. I was searching facebook messages, and email, and even phone messages. Of course even if there had been a response in one of those places, it still probably wouldn't have given me the comfort that I was desperately searching for. Then I wisened up, and asked God for comfort. I asked him to bring me peace, and to remind me that I can't control the other person, and I can't bring the response I want.

Wonderfully while my heart was breaking, and I was grieving over the comments made, I received another email from someone who I never would have anticipated getting an email from. It was so uplifting and surprising and encouraging and when I put 2 and 2 together, I realized that it was His way of taking care of me during this phase.
While one friendship may perhaps be coming to a close, and I mourn that friendship--it seems another is blooming. One that came from seemingly nowhere and I feel absolutely blessed. I am looking forward to fostoring this new friendship and truly look forward to our families joining together.

Through the technology of facebook I have reconnected with friends and acquaintances that at one point seemed long gone. I have seen and gotten to know many people from my far away past, and my more recent past. Some are getting married, others are having babies, and still others are going through some of the same motions that I am. And all along I get to be a fly on the wall of their lives.

So while this friendship--still somewhat new--may come to a close, I will pray for the courage to accept that. I have to understand that friendship needs to be mutual. And if it isn't meant to be, it just isn't meant to be. And if it does not come to a close, I pray for the Lord to help me forgive. And I hope the Lord will heal my heart so that the feelings I have will not stay so fresh. I also pray for forgiveness for the other person. That any confusion and pain that I may have caused will be washed away.

And for my new friendship. I pray for God to hold us both in His hands while she and I go through life's changes. Life doesn't stop, and it isn't always what I imagine it will be, and it is full of curve balls...so I pray for the ability to keep up.

Random thoughts

Ok, I know I said I would post pictures...but I can't seem to find the cord to the camera to download them! So please bear with me. For now, just randoms.

Do you think it is possible to be addicted to your backyard deck? It doesn't matter whether it is morning and we're eating breakfast, or afternoon watching the boys play in the woods while the birds eat at the feeders, or evening listening to the sounds of nature and talking by the light of candles--I think I am addicted. And I don't want to be saved!

When the boys and I were talking about evolution being taught in school, we decided that we are just a little bit glad that it can be difficult to be a Christian these days because it brings us closer to God. Each time we are faced with another hurdle, we turn to Him to help us get through, and He always does. Then it confirms our belief in His power, and in His ability to see us through. And it feels good to me--and apparantly to the boys too-- and that feels good too.

Summer is coming to a close, and while I am not seriously considering home schooling--for reasons I won't get into- it does have a certain appeal. I don't want the boys to go back to school. I love having them home. BUT it means I can work again w/o worrying about them and their time, so I AM looking forward to that part of it!

When I think of those whom I may have differences with (gratefully there aren't many) I think of this verse, and it is helping me remember that maybe, just maybe these are the people who need my prayers and patience the most.

Romans 12:9-21

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Teaser

Yep, just a teaser. I'm still here. Lots going on. Pictures coming soon. Break needed desperately. Soon. Please.

Perfection

Ok, I started this post trying to sound all profound and wordy...and then I realized it was completely counterproductive to the point I am trying to make in today's post. So I am just going to blither and blather--try to keep up!


I think women--in general-- are too hard on themselves. We struggle to keep our homes in perfect order, read recipe books and websites and magazines until we are blurred with tsps, dices, and boils just so we can keep our family intriguied by our culinary skills. We are too harsh on ourselves when we look in the mirror and see perhaps a little more around the hips, or maybe we aren't pleased with our hair, nails, skin... it is endless.

After realizing that we just canNOT do it all, we beat ourselves up over it because clearly there are women out there who can do it all, and don't even break a sweat. So there must be something wrong with us since we can't keep up--right? Wrong.

I am not an organizing queen. I can beat myself up over it, or let someone else bring me down about it, or I can accept it, and look at ways to adapt to it.

I faltered on the gym routine. It is far too easy to grab a cup of joe and hit goodwill or savers with Brian in search of some good books or pottery. I do want to be in better shape, in the mean time, I am not going to mentally berate myself for not being a gym member nazi.

There are days when I just shut down. The boys have argued too much, or their rooms frighten me to the point of feeling overwhelmed, or I stress myself over the fact that my husband and I don't have Donald Trump's money. And those are the days that I look in the mirror and dislike what I see. It doesn't matter how many times I open my closet or dresser drawers-NOTHING will look good on me. I can't seem to do ot say anything right, so why bother?

It is a viscious cycle that women get in--men do too I'm sure, but I don't have experience with that so I can't blog about it!

So no, my life is not perfect. I have many many many flaws that I can hold myself hostage over--OR I can think about the wonderful things in my life. I choose to do that. Not that there aren't days that I just don't want to get out of bed (and that is OK) or days that I just don't feel as though I can hold a candle to the other women around me...but sometimes just knowing that it is simply "one of those days" and "this too shall pass" is enough to help me get out of the funk. And even if I don't get out of that funk...that is OK.

You know, cuz I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it people like me!

In Laws

I love my mother in law. Completely. There is a stigma attached to MILs, and I know that in some cases it is for good reason. And then I think in some cases people go into a marriage, or relationship thinking that they aren't "supposed" to get along with their MIL so they look for reasons to not like her. I could probably do that with mine, but why would I? She loves the boys as much as any grandmother could. She is generous and funny, and hard working and sincere. She doesn't beat around the bush, she tells you what is on her mind, and I love that about her. She is down to earth and natural...She makes the yummiest german potatoes, she always has cocoa wheats, she washes her dishes by hand and she loves lighthouses.

On Monday she had a pacemaker put in because her sweet ticker just wasn't tickin the way it should. Last year she had a fainting spell that they almost couldn't revive her from, and the doctors were afraid that if it happened again they wouldn't have such a good outcome. So in she went, and out she came. Good as new. (she is doing REALLY well, and she feels great! Her prognosis and recovery thus far are very positive!) I was on the phone with her today thinking again how blessed I feel to be able to chat on the phone with her and have it be so easy going.

Years ago she and I would go shopping together and it was so comfortable to be around her. Admittedly we haven't gone in awhile...probably my fault for not making more of an effort, and I hope to make that effort this year because I absolutely adore spending time with her...especially as we get closer to the holidays.

ANYWAY!! The reason I'm rambling about my mother in law is because I called her from work to see how she was doing and see if she needed anything. While we were talking she asked me how things were going at the house and I expressed my desire to just quit. I don't want to unpack another box, I don't want to carry anything into storage, I don't want to organize or vaccuum...I just want to sit on my deck. She said, "well, you just have to get it done, keep your priorities straight."

Good advice right?

Well, if anyone else would have said it I would have agreed, but I likely would have come home and ignored that very sound advice. But it was Gloria. So I did just what she said. We are still not done. There are things that still need to be put away...but she just has a way about her, that made me come home this afternoon and just dig in. And I love that.


I loved hugging her, after so many years it felt amazing to offically be her daughter in law.

Getting such love from my new father in law.

Brian's dad is pretty awesome too, they make for a perfect couple. He too has always been a hard worker, respectful, funny, great story teller and teddy bear sweet. I adore my in laws.


Christmas Eve 2004

Have I mentioned that I feel blessed? Because I do. God is fulfilling my life in ways that 10 or 12 years ago I thought would never be possible. Each time I think that I know what I want, I am remembering to turn to Him to guide me, because I have learned over and over that the desires of my heart right now likely don't match the desires of my heart for the future.

He knows me better than I know myself! One more thing to be grateful for.

Not Me Monday!

Afraid someone will discover the moldy leftovers from 2 months ago in the back of your fridge? Holding out hope that the NKOTB will come to your town for a concert? Embarrassed by your little one telling you that they hope you will NEVER look like the "old lady" standing next to you--and have her huff in disgust? Then you've come to the right place. Not Me Monday is the place to come clean with all of life's little imperfections! Just like this:

I did not spend the entire past month completely ignoring the gardens of the last house, and when we left they were not overgrown and covered everywhere by weeds!

I certainly did not spend Wed-Fri of last week making trip after trip with a trailer and our truck with things for the new house, only to get the LARGEST truck imaginable at UHaul and STILL need to make 2 trips with it because we have SO.MUCH.STUFF.

The Realtor did not give us the garage door opener a day early, so therefore we did not eat dinner on the floor of our new dining room a day earlier than the owners thought we would be into the garage. Not us.

I did not let the boys take money out of Christian's piggy bank so that they could ride their bikes to the Kwik trip only to buy chocolate milk and a tornado, and I definitely didn't let them do it just so I could have a little time to blow through some boxes w/o interruption!

I did not spend the last 3 days unpacking an enormous amount of boxes, only to send my family out to visit my MIL in the hospital so that I could have just a few moments to myself. And then I certainly did not get on my laptop to do a Not Me Monday instead of taking a shower. Not me.

And lastly I did not spend so much of today in absolute awe of how perfect this house is for us. Even the quirky things about it are charming to me and I have not thought about every holiday from here to eternity being spent in this home. I have not rushed into being a grandmother just so I can play with the grandkids on the deck, in the yard or in the tree house. I have not imagined countless game nights and family nights in our basement family room with it's wood beamed walls, and brick fireplace, instead of sweeping off the deck or unpacking ANOTHER box.

We're home!

Move is complete!

Well, not complete, somehow all of our things expanded in the move. Doubled, even tripled in number. Seriously, we don't own this much. We can't. Already the house is feeling like home. I LOVE the deck, the trees, the cardinals that visit us all day long. Sigh...

That is all the time I have for now, just thought I would write a quick update. I better get back to work...I told B I would have all of this done by Thursday. I am pacing pretty well!!

Minnesota

Today there was an article in the paper that said "The weather finally caught up with the calendar". Hmph.

Now, for those of you who do not reside in, nor have ever visited our frozen tundra, let me explain a few things to you. (this is also for those of you who live here and just need a reminder)

Winters are COLD. Not- throw on a trendy sweater and tie a cute scarf around your neck cold--they are below 0, bundled up, wind whips through you, icicles form on your beard, eyelashes stick, freezing COLD.

Summers, are very opposite. It is HOT. The humidity keeps us indoors, we sweat just looking outside, the streets fry eggs, you can see the heat rediating off the sidewalks, air conditioners run 24 hours a day, beaches are packed, HOT.

Our spring and autumn seasons are pretty mild. But of course, it is too rainy, muddy, buggy, windy, dusk too early, dawn too early...we can't be pleased these seasons either.

But this summer? It hasn't been a typical stay inside because I can't breathe MN summer. And yet. We (and when I say we I mean those around me...but not me - we)still complain. No bugs. Beautiful breezes. No expensive electric bill from the AC running 24/7. Perfect evenings spent on our patio. No sunburns just by walking to get the mail. What is there to complain about?

I think it has been a perfect summer. I have nothing to complain about. I just got my fist insect bite last night at the riverside concert, and it wasn't even a mosquito. What on earth would I have to complain about this weather? Oh right...because it isn't typical. Shouldn't we be more alarmed than annoyed by our atypical season?

At any rate--if you will remember way back when and again, I decided I would not complain about our past winter. I made the decision to not complain about spring either. So what if I JUST washed the car and it is rainy and muddy again? Big deal if it looked like spring was here and we got a dusting of snow...we ARE in MN. The same went for summer. So what if it is 100 degrees and so muggy I can drink the air? I will NOT complain.

It feels SO good to not grumble about the weather! Lets be real. There are plenty of things I can control. Let me focus on those. The weather? Out of my hands. Complain about it? Hardly. I just adjust to it. And I am a lot happier by doing so.

Wanna try? Here is how. When you wake up on an August morning, and it is chillier than you thought it would be; throw on a sweatshirt over your tank, that way when it warms up later, you can just remove it!
The next day, if it is much hotter than you expect, dig out the sprinkler, make a pitcher of iced tea, and sit in the shade.
If the following day is so muggy that you can't enjoy a nice glass of iced tea or lemonade outside, turn on the air, and pack a bunch of boxes for moving do a puzzle with your kids.

See, it is easy to do! You just have to put your mind to it. And truly, your mind really is the only thing you can control--not the silly weather.

If you can't do that, MOVE! Because we are in MN after all, and if there is one thing predictable about MN weather, it is that it is unpredictable!

Unpredictable

**Once again, I am forewarning you of a long post with lots-o-pictures is ahead**

While my adorable husband claims some zzz's before his 6am shift tomorrow, I thought I would reflect on our crazy unpredictable day!

Today started with a family reunion in Lake City. Honestly, B and I went to this reunion with some trepidation. We hadn't been able to go to this one for a couple years (last year my grampa passed away on the morning of) so we were a little apprehensive having not seen many of this family in a few years, but wow! It was so fun! I took so many pictures because there really was so much going on! Egg toss, pinata, balloon breaking, 3legged races, egg race on spoons, henna tattoos, bean bags, swimming, eating, talking, football, volleyball, wow! Thank you to the Gosse girls for organizing, and maintaining such a fun reunion for both the kids and adults! We can't wait for next year!!
We all participated in the egg toss, so no photos of that...good times tho!


It was a perfect afternoon for the beach!


Christian really wanted B to be his partner for the 3 legged race...


And they won!!


This is just before Uncle Rich yanked the pinata up into the air for a big ol' swing and a miss for Christian!


If you click on the photo, you'll see that Christian has his tongue sticking out while he is watching poor Scooby's head dangle there...I wish I could read his mind--Oh wait, I bet he is thinking "mmmm, can-day, gottagetmesome can-day" Or you know, something like that.


Snuggled between gramma and papa

From the reunion, B and I left the boys with Gramma and Papa so that we could head to the cities for Cirque du Soleil's KOOZA! I won the tickets a few weeks ago from a local radio station. In fact this is how it happened;

I was getting ready in the bathroom, the dj announced that caller 5 would win tickets to KOOZA. I had never heard of it, but hey, free tickets are always good right? I casually looked for my phone--had to venture to the bedroom, all the while thinking "it must be too late now, there is no way I'll win." When I finally found my phone, I hesitated because I couldn't remember the number so I guessed. When the dj answered the phone and said I was caller 5 my reaction was "SHUT UP!!" Yes, that was recorded and later played for the listeners! I couldn't believe that after casually looking for my phone and halfheartedly dialing the number, that I won tickets to something I had never heard of before!

MEANWHILE---Brian is at work frantically dialing and redialing (having to dial 9 first because he was in the Mayo pharmacy) only to continue getting a busy signal. After awhile, his work phone began ringing, frustrated he gives up trying to win tickets and answers his phone--only to have it be me telling him that I won tickets! He was stunned. And beside himself with excitement! Since then he has been giddy about going, so much so that when today came I think he was walking on air!

In a tent!! Like the big top! In a tent!! So so cool!


It started out as a fantastic show. The contortionists are crazy bendy, the characters are hilarious, the choreography is outstanding, things were moving along AMAZINGLY. B and I were having such a wonderful time together, laughing. It has been awhile since we have been to something like this (I think the last was BlueMan group in Chicago-7 years ago!!) So we were definitely in need. And then an hour into the show...it happened. Tornado warnings. We could hear the sirens from inside the massive tent. They told us to wait patiently in our seats. Then they told us to wait in the concession area, once there they directed us across the street to the parking garage where we waited and waited.


Facebooking


Just doin' his job...in the rain; tornado warning rain!


45 minutes later, it was cancelled. Oh.No. By these people. I knew they were deciding our fate when I took this picture...I just wish it had been a different fate.

It was like the wind was taken right out of his sail. Brian was so excited about this night, I am big time bummed that he missed the 2nd half of the show. They offered to exchange our tickets to one of the Sunday performances, but we just don't know how to make that work with the other plans we have for Sunday...so it looks like we will just have to miss out. And he is bummed. So I am bummed. While the second half of the show would likely have been better than the first half, and I wish we would be able to see it, nothing can take away from the fantastic day spent with my husband.



The reunion was beautiful. The boys had a blast, and even walked away with some fun prizes. The drive to the cities was full of conversation, and bonding, and beauty. The time inside the tent with Brian was priceless. I was in tears from laughing at the show and I thoroughly loved spending every minute of today with him. Even waiting in the rain.



So--while the ending was not ideal, I give thanks for this day. I give thanks for my husband, and that we were able to share at least part of the show (and for free no less) and that the boys were able to spend some time with gramma and papa. I give thanks for the distraction from packing and the impending move.

Speaking of...this is why I read the paper online. We just started getting the Tuesday and Saturday paper so I could use the coupons...and this is what happens when you combine 2 papers, 6 magazines, the need to wrap breakables, and a preoccupied with packing mama....AHHH!!

Curlin' up...

7 days and we can get in the garage to move some of our things. 9 days and it will be ours! Oh.My.Goodness.

We met a few of our neighbors this weekend. Some have boys. We have boys. It is great!

We went for a walk in our new neighborhood last night. We took the path that Benjamin may take to football practice. It is a pretty steep hill--on the way home! After practice walking up that hill will be a chore for him, especially with all of his equipment on...but I think Benjamin would do just about anything to play football, so he doesn't seem fazed by a steep hill.

I forgot my camera again, maybe we will go back again tonight.

Do you ever have days where the boys get along TOO well? So well that you want to pull your hair out? Yea, that is where we are right now. Too wild. Too much.

We are low on boxes. I need to get more. I have had a headache since I opened my eyes this am. This is a day that I would love to just curl up and ignore the boxes, and the rough housing boys, and the upcoming expenses, and the ringing phones.

But I won't. Because we are moving. In 7 days. To this house!




Traditional w/o being outdated. Updated w/o being trendy. Established neighborhood. Mature trees. Tree house in backyard. 2 nearby wooded areas for exploring. Perfect location. Quiet street. Best school district. Excellent size.

It is exactly what we wanted.

What headache?

Intervention

This weekend I;

Got breakfast in bed from my so so sweet husband...for no reason! And while I was in the shower, he cleaned the kitchen too! Wow! I am a lucky lucky lady!!

Spent fantastic quality time with my wonderful husband. We made one of our favorite meals that we have not had in AGES! A little chop chop here, dice dice there, it was delish!
We went for a few walks, got out of town on Sunday and did some furniture shopping, got some major storage room packing done, sold a few things on Craigslist...all in all it has been an amazing weekend with Brian! I am so glad we were able to spend such quality alone time together.

Got some confusing news that we need to deal with and move on from...we will just pray that we are moving in the right direction and that we can overcome this obstacle.

Got a job! Ok, so I already had this job, but I will be able to work again when the boys are back in school, and it shouldn't interfere with their schedules. He sure does provide doesn't He? It isn't ideal in the salary area, but as far as the flexibility and timing, I cannot be anything but grateful that I am still able to work in the store and maintain an active relationship with their school, while I find something a little more permanant! Praises!

I also learned that I am in need of an intervention. Everytime I look at a skirt, or shirt or robe or ANY type of fabric, I think it would make a great pillow! Yes, you heard me; the skirts, shirts, and robes that I see, do not look like skirts, shirts, or robes to me. Instead, I think; "Hmm, that would make a great pillow!" When I was at Thursdays on First Allison pointed out that this is probably a whole new disorder and maybe Mayo could do a study on me? I don't know where this came from, but I am lovin' the pillow thing right now, so I am just going to roll with it. My next post I will include pictures of the different fabrics that I may make pillows out of in the near future!

And lastly, today---(which technically is not the weekend since it is Monday, but I will include it because it is so cute!)---while I was at work this morning, Brian made zuchinni bread! AND CLEANED THE KITCHEN! I am telling you ladies, hands off he is mine! Not that he hasn't always been a great helper around the house, because he has/is. He just usually needs a prompt, or 2, or a dozen. And rarely does he bake, and for good reason...I do most of the baking, so he really doesn't have a need to. But wow, his bread was good, and I am very impressed, I may have some friendly competition in the kitchen! I bet the boys wouldn't mind!

This am I had coffee with friends before going to !work!, B made bread, the boys are home, the weather was great, the house is almost ours...this week has started off on a GREAT foot! Let's keep it up shall we?!