Saturday, April 10, 2010

Stream of Consciousness

Things are very slowly returning to normal in the MoJo household. We are back home eating meals and sleeping in our beds. We're also doing oodles of laundry, the Christmas lights have finally been taken down from the exterior of our house, the garage is being cleaned...and that is just our house.

We're also doing some house cleaning at dad's. He has ALOT of stuff! We've been going through his things little by little. So far we've been successful in dividing up, packing up, and donating his articles of clothing, nick knacks and other things.

This isn't easy.

If I had it my way, I would take a LONG break from time with my sisters, to regroup, see my family, gain a better perspective, and then divide property. For me, it's too soon. We shouldn't be rifling through his possessions so quickly, I feel as though we're rushing things. But alas, here we are.

Cobe got in a car accident Thursday night. Her birthday. She is lucky to be alive. We are lucky she is still alive. Praise God. I cried when I left her. It scares me to think that something could happen to one of my sisters. I don't always like them, and we have next to nothing in common, and when all of dad's matters are resolved, I will likely have little contact with them again....but I love them. To the moon and back, I love them.

In the wake of her crash, it has added more tension with my sisters and I. Again there is a fence. The 2 of them are on one side, and I am on the other. I've looked for advice on how we are going about dad's division of property. It isn't being handled appropriately, and that makes me sad. Unfortunately when there are 2 strong, capable women with opposing opinions, it is hard to be heard, even when logic and reason, and legality (<- is that a word?) are at hand. Sigh...I pray. I pray that they will realize that we are not against each other, and that this is not a popularity contest, I just want to move on. Soon. Very soon.

I've even listened to one of them tell people something that is so untrue--over and over--and it makes me wonder, does she believe it? Does she not realize that she is essentially telling a lie--over and over. Should I correct her? Should I set the record straight to her friends, and our family? Do I just stand by, as I usually do, and let her run the show? I'm torn, and I'm hurt. My human side says, say something. My trying to be the bigger person, keep calm waters, no feather ruffling side (you know the one I've only in recent years started listening to) says keep your mouth shut. In the grand scheme of things, it is not I who should pass judgment on her. It is not I she has to answer to...the Big Guy upstairs knows better, and that is what really matters....Right? Sigh....I want to move on. Soon.

The birds are singing glorious music today. I'm listening to them outside the window, and I am looking forward to the day that I do not blog about my sisters. I look forward to the day that I can rejoice in what is happening around me instead of being hurt by the people I have no choice but to surround myself with.

Soon, these things will not clutter my mind. Soon this will just be a day like any in my past. In the big picture, this will not affect my future, so I just need to persevere. Continue to be a dutiful daughter to God. Remember that those who condemn me, need my prayers the most. I will pray for my sisters that the Lord will soften their hearts. I will pray for myself to continue to hold my tongue, not only in conversations with them, but in conversations with others. I will pray for the courage to enter the Lion's Den, and know that I will come out unburned.

The buds are popping out all over. The hubby is playing golf, the boys are with their friends, and I am signing off for a little while. I want to get past the raw grief I still have. I want to get past these next days with my sisters. I want to wrap up the division of his property, and I want to blog about something fresh. Something exciting, something, different.

I'll be back when I have that.

Soon, I hope soon.


Queen Jolene said...

Sounds like you are doing the right things, Jodie. Hopefully, your lives will be back to normal soon. Thinking of you!

Kami said...

I'm praying for you continually, sweetie. I can't imagine that kind of turmoil. You are doing the right thing, though, and God will honor you for it.

Love you!