Friday, October 16, 2009

Bully bully stay away

I used to picture a dark haired stocky middle schooler wearing a black t-shirt and jeans with holes when I heard the word Bully. Of course, that isn't the only form a bully can take. Thanks to movies though, my mind used to first travel there. I do realize that bullies can be girls, or blondes, or jocks who wear letterman jackets instead of black t-shirts...and they can be of any age. Elementary school, middle school high school--and as it turns out adults.

I don't have much patience for bullies. I try to get into the psyche behind their motives. What is it that makes a bully - bully? Is it because they are envious of the person they are bullying? Is it something happening at home? Are they themselves being bullied? What is it?

There sometimes aren't clear indications of the target either! The bullied isn't always wearing a pocket protector and coke bottle glasses. Sometimes there aren't any outward appearances that instigate the bullying. So why?

Some of us like to scrapbook, or crochet, or play volleyball, or garden. Others like to draw, or sing, or bake, or blog. Whose job is it to decide which of these hobbies are worthy, and which ones aren't? Who gets to decide that someone who puts their thoughts and opinions to paper cyber world is somehow trying to control what others think about them?

I pray for the people who are narrow minded enough to think that they are owed an explanation for someone else's decisions and actions. Have I ever made snide comments or have unChristian-like expectations from people that I am close to? Absolutely. And humbly, more often than I care to admit. With prayer, hopefully these instances will be fewer and further between as I learn and grow. But I think what sets someone like--oh, and a bully apart, is the mind frame afterward. I strive to repent my ill spoken words. And when I read or hear something that may or may not be directed at me, I reflect on my own behavior to see how it may apply to me and my journey to being a better person. Unfortunately, bullies don't see it that way. Many honestly think that their opinions and actions when putting someone down and judging them are justified.

Specifically, I pray for anyone who sees blogging as a way to control what people think, when in actuality, it is quite the opposite. I want nothing more than for each of you reading this to have your own opinions. I want each one of you to enjoy what you read here. I don't want to burden you daily with my concerns about parenting. Or my struggles with being a wife and mother at the same time. It turns out those 2 jobs together (especially with kids at the age of the boys) can be a battle in itself. I find myself catching my tongue, and checking myself, and second guessing my words, far more than I did when they were 2 years old and didn't understand. There is no reason to bore you with the details of our evenings at home when I am online blogging, B is checking sports highlights, the boys are playing playstation and the cats are curled up in some random nook in our home. Those aren't what bring you here right? Does it mean that those times don't exist? Of course not. Do B and I argue? Certainly. Do we sometimes have unexpected expenses arise that makes us wonder where we'll fund them from? Do we have to sacrifice Hawaiian vacations, and cabins on the lake so that I can fulfill my desire to be a hands on mom. You bet. Do we regret that decision? NOT FOR A SECOND.

It is unfortunate that one who blogs feels the need to even defend and explain themselves. I have read many a blog where the author has had to speak to the naysayers. I never understood it. I think "Let me get this straight. They don't like what you write? They think you are phony and conceited? They think they deserve to get all the dirt on your life, otherwise you are hiding something? These strangers? People you are not at all close to? People you don't trust? People who have shown you that they will judge you...expect-no demand that you reveal every nitty gritty detail, or you are being dishonest and controlling? Ummm, why do they even bother? Stop reading. Move on. Don't come back."

I still don't understand it. And honestly, when I go to the blogs that I frequent, I am not in the slightest bit interested in whether or not they had an argument with their mother that day, or if they haven't showered in 3 days, or if they never wear deodorant, or if their savings account doesn't have the same balance as mine. It is none of my business. Of course, if they CHOOSE to talk about those things on THEIR blog, then so be it!

Do I think I am perfect? Holy Moly NO! In fact, that is why I blog. I blog about my imperfections, and I blog about my accomplishments. But maybe what makes me hold back a little, is because of the bullies out there just waiting for me to trip up? It is bound to happen. In fact, just ask my husband, it will happen very soon I'm sure.

In the last 2 years we have moved twice, and in those moves I rediscovered my old journals, and have found joy not only in those old books, but in the new ones that I am writing in now. This is where our blog started out. Here is where we were nearly a year ago today. Writing is a great outlet. It is a great document to look back on. It gives perspective later. It is relaxing. I enjoy it. And hopefully the bullies will stay away.


Life Is Beautiful said...

Well said, my friend!

Jolene said...

I love your blog and I love what you have written here! You are such a blessing! Kudos!