Friday, March 19, 2010

Saying Goodbye

I think my dad is saying his goodbyes. Of course, not with words, but with hugs. With attempts to make eye contact, waiting for his eyes to take focus, and smiling.

Dad is fading away. I'm in my second overnight with him. He has to be in the presence of company and in plain site 24 hrs a day now. He fell today and had to be taken to the ER for stitches above his eye.

His new fascination is to run water. Turn it on then turn it off, turn it on then turn it off. Wiping down the bathroom sink. He hasn't been turning on the cold water. He burned his hand. Nothing that needed attention, but he was hurt.

Sometimes when he is sleeping, I'm afraid to check on him. I have to look so closely to see if the blankets are moving up and down. It's unsettling.

He turns on the light in his spare room and just stands in one place. For what seems like forever.

He's confused.

Tomorrow we are taking him to the Lake for the last time. My grandparents have had property on a beautiful lake near our town since my dad was a child. After my grampa passed away, and a few years before my gramma passed away, my dad's twin bought the property and created a beautiful home landscaped space and getaway for our whole family to enjoy every year on Father's Day. And really any other time during the summer. The Lake holds a special place in all of our hearts, so it will be touching to take him out there.

I wish the boys weren't away for the weekend.

The end is near.


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