Still Hanging on...

Well, I've been here for 6 days. 4 since the 'big' day. Saturday. Intense. In a matter of hours he went from walking, (confused and weak, but walking) to nearly comatose, sporatic breathing, weak heart, and no responding. ALL DAY. His brothers and their families came, dad's friends came. The mood was somber, we were saying goodbye. Later that evening he was agitated, it took 6 of us to hold him down. He was scared, angry, frustrated and confused. We were sad, tired, physically drained from restraining him, scared and unsure of what to do.

The hospice nurse came. She got on the phone with the doctor. We restrained. Dad fought. He struggled. He sighed with fear. He looked at us with sadness. We tried to sooth him. We told him that we loved him, that we wanted him safe, we reminded him that he couldn't walk because he would fall. We remained soft spoken and calm. All the while we were all crying inside. I was screaming on the inside to please let the pain end. Literally after hours of the 6 of us restraining, reminding, soothing, and praying he calmed down...well, he didn't calm down, the medications took over. We finally (with the help of the doctor on the phone) were able to find a level of medication that would keep him calm. He hasn't woken since.

Nurses have come, last rights and final blessing have been read, and we've talked to social workers. His brothers have visited, our cousins have offered support, and we've eaten plenty of meals. Sleep is coming to us in longer doses now that we aren't worried about him getting out of bed. He still has round the clock meds, so someone is always on duty.

He goes almost 45 seconds w/o breaths. His heart beats strong. Temps of 102+ come and go. We wait. We're numb. We're on stand by. We pray.

We wait. He hangs on. Stubborn Richardt for sure! They tell us that he's doing this his way. No textbook could predict him. We think he knows that. That's my dad. He'll do this his way on his time. At least he thinks so.

I know better. I know that HE has a plan, and this is all on His time. I pray to have faith, and understanding. I pray for His will to be done. And I pray for my sisters on this journey.

B has been my rock. He's on my side. He is my best friend during this, and trust me, I need one right now.

We wait.