Everyday I learn a lesson of some sort.
For instance, on Sunday when I went to Allison's to make lefse, I didn't bring a jacket because it was nice outside when I left. However, when I needed to go home, it was brisk and drizzly so I wished I had a jacket and gloves. Lesson learned? It's winter now, and I need to have warm clothing where ever I go.
Another example would be that when Christian starts to shut down and lose confidence he quits. If I overplay my excitement and build him up, he'll try again and again until he succeeds. Lesson learned? I have to exaggerate my support for him to build up his confidence. Willingly.
The purpose of my post?
When I am tired, and running on less than 4 hours of sleep, like I was yesterday (true story) I should never. I repeat never go through the past posts that I wrote during 'that time'. I don't even know what to call it. I can't describe what came over me that prompted me to go through each post about dad from April of last year to March of this year. It was dumb. I've been thinking about him alot lately. The holidays are coming fast, and he won't be here. Just last year at Christmas every member of my family was here in our house celebrating the day. He won't be here this year. The boys were talking about Christmas and gifts...only this year, there won't be any from Papa. It's hard to believe that this all happened. One moment it seems surreal, almost out of body when I think about this past year. And then, the reality sinks in and it hurts so bad. My heart is aching these days. I miss him painfully.
You are loved dad.
You are missed.