Friday, December 18, 2009

Now That was depressing...

Yikes! I just read my last post, and honestly I considered deleting it! How depressing.

I'm trying to accept the news that I have been given. But what I am failing to do is accept it as a possibility, even a likelihood but not a guarantee.

I'm not God. Nor are the doctors at the VA Hospital. So, while they are certainly more qualified than I to make a diagnosis for my dad, they are not more qualified than God.

I don't know what to do right now. I don't know if putting on a brave face and holding out hope that this too shall pass, and pray for a miracle is the strategy to have. Obviously last night I was feeling sorry for myself and had practically killed my dad off....and that is worse than having false hope that he'll come out of this. It's a tight rope, and I am afraid of falling off.

Having faith is growing more difficult as the days tick by. Wondering, and waiting, and hoping, during these next few days, weeks, and months, is not going to be easy. So, I pray. And I ask for your prayers. And I lean on those who want to be leaned on. And I stop killing off my dad before he's even made a decision on his treatment from here forward.

I'm feeling better today...can you tell? I've had the Christmas music on, and I've been wrapping presents..I got several deliveries today of gifts that I ordered online, and I was able to organize myself for cookie baking tomorrow. I am super bummed that we are missing out on an AWESOME holiday party tonight, but I'll hold out hope that we'll make the next get together!! New Years?

Have a happy Friday everyone!

1 comment:

Life Is Beautiful said...

How is your dad doing? Praying for you tonight.