I'm not ready to get disturbing phone calls from my sister while I'm baking with a friend during a snow day that I was wishing for. I'm not ready to pretend that this isn't happening and that all is going to be fine. I'm not ready to let go of all of the emotions that I am feeling. I'm not ready to hear these words, and go through the roller coaster. I'm not ready.
It's back. That yucky word. Cancer. It has taken over again. In different places this time. Prognosis? Not sure. Game plan? Don't know. Emotions? High. Frustration? Higher. Anger? Highest. I'm not as strong as last time. Last time I didn't panic. I didn't cry, I held my faith and I gave it all to Him. Sure, I had my moments. One in particular happened to be in the middle of the night when I just broke down. Gratefully B was an amazing support, and my breakdown didn't last long. My dad had his surgery, he followed through with radiation, he went to all of his appointments, we all prayed, and he got better. We did what we were supposed to do, and it came back anyway.
This time? I'm not ready.