What do you do?

What do you do when you get bad news?

I got bad news. Today I got very bad news. 3-6 months. WHAT?! Are you kidding? There must be a mistake. We wanted my dad's prognosis, not someone else's. There is still some info gathering to be done. But it doesn't look good. They aren't optimistic.

That is all I can say for now.

What do I do when I get bad news? Well, let's see. Today, I nearly broke. But I was at work, so I maintained myself. For awhile. After trying and failing to reach my husband at work I called my dearest friend Jill and cried. Then pulled myself together. Then talked to B, and cried. And pulled myself together. Then went to the school to pick up the boys, and while trying to keep it together, I began to cry. Gratefully, some of my dear friends were there to be comforting. Then pulled myself together until the boys and I got home. Didn't quite make it. One of my friends nailed it when she said I was leaking. I was a dam that just needed to burst, and I couldn't let it go until I got home. But by then, I had held it for so long that I haven't quite burst yet. Instead, I'm just leaking. Telling the boys was terrifying. But like I was told, they'll know something is wrong, so hiding it would be futile. They were right, I was a mess coming home.

And now? I'm falling apart--inside. I am having trouble comprehending this. Really? I mean really? How? HOW?

I need the dam to break. I need the boys to go to bed so the dam can break. Better yet, I need to wake up and find that this is all just a dream.

Pinch me please.