GIFT Sledding

Today was a glorious day for sledding! We gathered all of the children, "stuffed their yammers" with sloppy joes and brownies, bundled them tips to toes, and shuffled outside for a beautiful day of sledding!

The boys had an awesome time helping the little ones, catching air, drinking hot chocolate, and knocking each other down. They had so much fun today that they just fell into bed this evening. I love days like today.... Even Yoshi one Kenoshi is exhausted in his bed, and he didn't even come along!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Still would love some ideas for displaying photos...I'm coming up empty handed, so I'm now opening myself up to programs that may need to be purchased. Ideas anyone?!

WINOS

Women in Need of Sanity.

That is the very unofficial name of my book club. What is ironic about the title is that 3 of the 6 of us drink next to nothing - ever, and the rest of us (no, I don't fall in the first category) drink very little during our meetings. (not that I partake much outside of meetings either...and not that there would be anything wrong with it if I did...I'm referring to alcohol of course.) ahem, moving on... We do drink, in fact we are very good at coming up with themed foods and beverages for our meetings, and it usually involves a completely new alcoholic concoction...to try. But we liked the acronym and the irony it brought with it. This month it was Atole, a nonalcoholic hot drink made with masa harina..it was awesome!

We met again this evening, our book was Barbara Kingsolver's The Laguna. Admittedly, I did not get the book read in time. This is uncommon for me, I usually complete the book, but not this month. I've been a little preoccupied as you well know. So, now I have 2 books to read before our next meeting. Next month it's My Life in France by Julia Child. I can't WAIT to see what our menu will be for this book! I think I blog nearly every month after we meet because I can honestly say that I feel completely refreshed and rejuvenated and I leave feeling whole after each of our get togethers. It's something I wouldn't have pictured for myself, I didn't realize I wanted a group like this until I spoke the words outloud nearly 2 years ago...and now? I can't imagine not spending at least one evening with them every month. Thank you WINOS for keeping me fed, keeping me sane, and for giving me something to look forward to!



This is Soppapilla Cheesecake, and Kahlua Chocolate Cake with Kahlua Cream. Um, amazing. Soo good.


Benjamin and Bennett (Ben 1 and Ben 2) crashed our meeting after returning from the Science Museum. They know the best part about book club is the food...they weren't disappointed!

Thoughts for Thursday

**Disclaimer--these are my thoughts. Not to be confused with your thoughts, or your neighbor's thoughts. You may agree - Great! If not....see above. Feel free to comment if you wish, I love hearing your thoughts too. Anyway, w/o further ado-- My thoughts!!

I think the government should be run by stay at home moms. No, really. We have learned how to stick to a budget, we use coupons, we are able to make decisions that are not necessarily in our own best interest, we have the ability to keep the masses (husband and children) happy the majority of the time, and we're good at 'dumbing complicated jargon down' for the little ones. So no more mumbo jumbo health care bills, or government spending issues. And let's face it, staying home and eating bon bons all day gets old...we need something to do right? Why not run the country? Seems we would be better fit than any politician I know.


I wonder why it takes a flick of the switch to discontinue a service (gas, electric, phone, cable) when you move. But when you want to begin service you need someone to physically enter your home. And the time frame in which they will come is no fewer than 5 hours.


Why is it that when I walk, I have no trouble breathing, but when I run I forget how? And why is it that when I focus on remembering to breath while running, I end up tripping over myself or running in zig zags?


Why do people still shop at Walmart? Seriously? Why? No, really--why?


How did the saying "When it rains it pours" come about? I mean, I know what it means...but who came up with it? And what was happening when they said it?


Why do dogs chase cats? Honestly, why can't they just ignore them?


While we're at it...who came up with it's raining cats and dogs. Whaa?


Deep thoughts right? I miss Jack Handy.

Not usually a fan

But wow. These were amazing. Fresh. Just the right amount of crisp on the outside, and the perfect texture on the inside. And the chocolate...wow. If every donut could taste like these...I'd be a fan.



This place was a happy surprise on our trip to Chicago. They were making them fresh..and free!! As many as you want, and trust me, we all took advantage of that.



Brian's work in the pharmacy doesn't end there. He wanted to be sterile when he chose his donut...hence the blue rubber glove. Nice honey.



What were the boys watching here? It was pretty cool...next time.

About time!

I know, I know, I have made several attempts to get some photos on here. The problem is there are so many that I want to share, and I have been trying to find a more creative way to do it--for free. Our trip to Chicago, Christian as Joseph in the Christmas program, Christmas, band concerts, this and that, souped up cats...yep there are some goodies to share! I found a site, and I was so excited I went to work right away...and it was so easy! Too good to be true right?

Right.

Below you see what I created...the collage is good, but I have no need for the play button or the title tag at the top. So at this point I am wide open to suggestions! Remember I'd like it to be free!

Make a Smilebox collage

Now, I'm off to research new sites, so really, if you have any suggestions, I'm all ears!

Hot

I just returned from our PPT (Program Planning Team) meeting, and I have to tell you I.AM.HOT. Hot hot hot hot hot. For those of you who have linked over for Not Me Monday, I apologize for the interruption. You'll find it in the post before my little rant here!

Our district is no different than any other district out there, I know. I realize there are schools everywhere facing the same financial strain that we are, but given the fact that I am so close to many of the staff at the school, and I am seeing first hand how these cuts are affecting them AND my sons. It infuriates me.

10.1 million. That was last year's budget cut.

This year's?

4.5 million.

Next year's?

Over 6 million. In addition to the fact that the state will likely be decreasing the money that they give to begin with.

Where, or where do you find 20 million dollars in 3 years? We're not a big district, and we are a very small school. Gratefully we have a phenomenal principal who is incredibly proactive in his efforts to increase our science program, he is providing our upper students (6-8th graders) with laptops, offering opportunities that many students would not otherwise have, and he is decreasing the gap. What is 'the gap'? It is the group of students who are not meeting standards, and it if you take a moment to look at your district's statistics, you'll find that number to be rather staggering. We fell into a gold mine when Jim Sonju was hired as our leader, and we are pushing our way through an economic crisis.

But another 10million dollars cut from a budget of operating expenses, district programs, staff, supplies...it makes me angry. Hot hot hot hot hot. Hot.


Oh, but let's not forget the $45,000,000 payoff.

Hot.

Not Me Monday - Husband Style

Not Me Monday was created by my friend MckMama as a way to admit all her imperfections w/o actually having to admit them! It is a great way to come clean about all of the embarrassing things you your husband did! Let's get to the good stuff shall we?

Having been raised in the Frozen Tundra, my husband has grown up bleeding purple his entire life. Not only were his parents devout Vikings fans, but they were also season ticket holders all of Brian's life. So it is no surprise that he is a purple and gold fan through and through.
With that said, it is not my husband who declared that if the Vikings won the playoff game yesterday that the chances were good that he would cry, and perhaps wet his pants! And then, when the Vikings LOST the playoff game, it was not my husband who quickly posted to his facebook status that no one was allowed to discuss the game with him until a few days (and utter disappointment) had passed. Not my husband. He is far too rational to let a sporting event affect his moods this way.

It was also not my husband who has desperately been searching for a chainsaw so that we could cut up the wood we have in our garage, only to borrow one time and again that either A.) would not start or B.) was too small to cut through the massive logs. Now that he has one in his possession (and has for over a week) it certainly isn't him who has not cut the aforementioned wood. No, he is much more efficient than that!

Wow, Not Me Monday is even MORE fun when it is someone else at stake!! Give it a shot! Head over to Jennifer's rules to learn how to do your own Not Me Monday! Have fun!

I do I do babe!

Grounded

Haiti.

Educational budget cuts.

Economic recession.

Foreclosures.

Health care bills.

Unemployment.

Homeless.

$45,000,000

What is that number for, you ask? Well, I'm glad you did. I'll tell you. That number represents the amount of money that Conan O'Brien will receive from NBC.
Wanna see it again?

$45,000,000.

That's in dollars, not pennies, or nickels, or candy canes. Dollars.

Ok, so I'm a fan of Conan. I think he is silly, I think he is genuine, and in a geeky, quirky, red headed kinda way he is even border line attractive. I also have a high respect for the way he (initially) reacted to the whole NBC kicking him out ordeal. He was honest, forthright, respectful and mature. And then, he accepted a deal for $45,000,000. Dollars.

OUTRAGEOUS!

What blows my mind even more - is that having Conan leave that spot represents MORE than $45,000,000 in profit for NBC, or they wouldn't have agreed to it. That would be like me wanting to drive a certain car so badly that I am willing to pay 3 times the value of it. That would be foolish. So obviously NBC stands to gain far MORE than $45,000,000 by Conan vacating the spot. And placing an already higher paid Jay Leno (who I also happen to like) in his place. Higher salaried host + $45 million deal = profit. Wow. So a deal was struck, and away Conan goes. Quickly, respectfully, and apparently humorously.

And me. I'm left wondering what in Heaven's name are they flaunting around numbers like that in an economic climate like the one we are experiencing right now? I am so frustrated with people who have dollar signs in their eyes. Who strive to make more money, just for the sake of having more money. So they can spend it lavishly? Private jets? 6 cars in the driveway? Several homes around the world?

It's embarrassing. What on earth have we come to? How is this acceptable to us? To them? To anyone?

Time to get grounded. Let's get back to reality here. Just imagine if you will, $45,000,000 dispersed in more responsible ways. Imagine the good it could do. Schools, health care, NATIONAL DEBT.

Nauseating.

Dear God...

Dear God, I want a puppy.

Dear God, Please have my mom buy me the girbaud jeans for my birthday.

Dear God, please make Tom Cruise find me and fall in love with me.

Dear God, please make all my wishes come true.

Ah yes, the power of prayer. We spend so much time praying for things we want, and usually, they don't come to us they way we thought they would. I've said many a prayer in my day. Many many many times, the dreams that I wished for came true in ways far better than I had hoped. And many many many times--they didn't.

In my adult life, I don't always pray for me. I spend a lot of time praying for others. I'm not praying for specifics, I'm just praying in general. For health. For understanding. For peace for them. Some unexpected and surprising things have happened.

He knows the true desires of my heart. And He knows what is best for me, and what is right.

He's answering prayers one by one.

He's good.

Dear God,

Thank you.

Confessions

No, it is not a Not Me Monday, so I can't hide behind saying that I did not do something. In fact, I'm not entirely sure which direction this installment is going to go in, so work with me here.

I've read more than one blog lately where the owner of said blog is confessing some 'deep' secret. I'm not sure how I feel about it. However, I'll do a little confessing myself.

In the beginning..way back when I began blogging, it was intended to be a place where our relatives and friends from afar could keep tabs on us. After maintaining that theme for awhile, it morphed into a place where I could write about my thoughts and opinions. Sometimes I even ranted right here on the net for everyone to see.

Of course recently, I have used the blog as a place to work through some of the feelings and frustrations about my dad.

And now, I confess, I don't know what to write about anymore. I don't want to stand on a soap box and pretend that I have any clue what I'm doing. Truly, I just like to think out loud...so to speak. I am grateful that our families can stay up to date with our happenings, but lately I haven't done a good job of posting our activities.

So, let's take a step back. I am going to make more of an effort to post pictures, give sports highlights, and keep you current of our comings and goings--because let's be real, we are really interesting people. We aren't jet setters, we don't attend the theater often, and we regularly dance to our own drummers....but that is how we role in Casa MoJo, so we'll go with it.

I've lost my writing Mojo again, but it'll come back...any ideas for future posts? Do share....til then, I'm off to let the Y-man out again, finish baking last 2 batches of cookies, make Benjamin's ski club lunch, watch House, wash towels, volunteer at school tomorrow am, work out at gym, gossip catch up with a new friend, have one on one time with hubby, cheer on Christian's basketball game, visit neighbors, go to church, chatter with GIFT, watch football...rinse and repeat. Yep, our weekend in a nutshell!

One Day

One day.

We've all had - at some point in our lives - one day that we really look forward to. Maybe it is high school graduation day. Years of tests and early mornings, and school work...done! We look forward to graduation day as if all of those exams, and papers and late night study sessions will end with that final bell. Of course, for many, that one day is only the beginning.
Maybe it is a wedding day. Months, for some years, of preparations, deposits, tears, diets, planning, tastings, budgeting...and then. It's over. In one day.
Buying your first house. B and I bought our first house together in 2003. It was such an amazing feeling. Walking in, giddy, nervous, anxious to get to the house and walk across the threshold. Knowing it was ours. His first home. My first home. The boys' first real home.
The birth of a child. Months of weight gain, swelling, kicking, heartburn, hormones...all for that sweet smelling, silky soft, cuddle loving babe. In one day (or if you're my babies you took 29 and 49 hours respectively)
We look forward to these days, and when they pass, we look forward to the next best thing.

And then there are the days we look forward to for different reasons. Like the day you find out whether there is any hope for life.

I wouldn't say that I am "looking forward" to tomorrow. But I am definitely eager to have some answers. It has been such a roller coaster lately, and I have been holding on to hope that maybe, just maybe, the first diagnosis is wrong.
After tomorrow we will know for sure if proceeding with any treatments would be of any use. Tomorrow we will know if we should make preparations for him to begin chemo treatments at VA, or if we should prepare for him to live on with Our Father.

We will also meet with Palliative Care...that isn't a good sign. My emotions are so tightly wound right now. My mind is consumed with this pending day. It has been looming out there in front of me for a month. I'm so emotionally spent already, because I don't know where to direct my feelings. Fear? Hope? Grief? Anger? Resolve? Remorse? Gratitude? I know fear is useless from dad's perspective--look at the Prize he gets if treatment isn't a viable option. Hope. Maybe not a worthy emotion right now, as I know that He has plan, and hoping for something doesn't change what He has in store. Grief, let's be real. There really is no way around that emotion right now. Anger. Yea, I'm a little angry. With dad for letting it get to this point, with cigarette manufacturers, with doctors for not curing him the first time and truthfully, I'm a little angry with You Know Who. It is another wasted emotion I know, and I am praying for it. None of these factors are to blame for sure...but it's easy to find someone to lay the blame on. Resolve. This is coming with prayer. Again-- He has a plan. I just have to trust. Remorseful because over the years I have had a touch and go relationship with my dad. For many years Brian and I were very close with my dad, we spend a lot of time with him. Dinners, drinks, afternoons in his yard, just talking. Both with and w/o the boys. And in the last few years we've been so busy that we haven't made the effort. And then we were hit with the news last spring. Gratitude. I am grateful that He is in charge, and that "all" I have to do is pray. I am grateful that if treatment isn't an option, that my dad will be saved. He'll be saved.

In one day we'll know.

One day.

Protection

I used to be a thrill chaser. Nothing was fast enough for me. Sure, I'd be scared while I was on it, but the fear went away as soon as the thrill ended. Snowmobiling, riding on motorcycles, skiing- both snow and water- jet skiing....all of these activities were thrilling, and exhilarating, and I loved them! I grew up on each of those motor vehicles because my dad had them. I loved holding on to him while we flew through the snow or on the blacktop. The wind whipping my face would cause me to hide it behind his strong back and squeeze a little tighter.
When we would go out to the lake, he would careen around the corners on the gravel roads while I clung on to the door handle until my knuckles were white. There was one hill in particular that he would take with such speed that my stomach would jump every time we went over it. Sometimes I was scared.

He always brought me home safe. No bumps. No bruises. He took care of me. In one piece.

Wednesday we get the results. I'm scared. I want to take care of him this time. I want to protect him the way he protected me. We spent some time with him again this weekend. The boys played checkers while dad and B watched the game. He is so sick. He can't hide it. He isn't keeping his meds down. He can't keep food down. And my heart is breaking. I am praying for Wednesday...but I'm not sure what to pray for. I don't know if I'll post the results here or not. I haven't decided.

I'm clinging to faith right now. I need His protection.

Just doesn't seem possible

10.

My baby is 10.

Wow. It is hard for me even write those words. I will never birth another child, so I will never hold another of my own infants in my arms, and now my baby. is. 10.

Sigh...he is growing into a sensitive, generous, and handsome young man. Not that he hasn't been all of those things over the years--because he has...he is just maturing in all of those areas. He is becoming accountable for his actions, and he is responding better to discipline, and he is recognizing that there are occasional negative reactions to the choices he makes...and he is accepting it. AWESOME.

But then, it reminds me again that he is getting older. He can still jump up on me and I can walk around or work in the kitchen while he holds on, and I love that. I'll keep that going for as long as he (as well as my legs and back) is willing. Last year I posted some pictures of him growing up, so this year, I'll just post pictures of his day--when I get them uploaded!

I adore my Christian. I've cherished being this little man's mother since the moment he breathed his first breath. All the years of holding him, singing to him, rocking him, bathing him, nursing him....amazing. And bittersweet. I knew while I was doing these things with him, that I would not have these moments with another child of my own. I am thrilled with that decision, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but still when my baby turns 10? Makes me reflect on the days of infants and toddlers...I guess we're just that much closer to them bringing infants and toddlers of their own for me to cuddle and snuggle.

10.

Wow.

Part of the plan

I've been big on planning lately. I've got lists everywhere. Grocery lists, chore lists, PPT lists, meeting lists, job possibility lists...they're everywhere. While I'm on the journey to follow His plan, I'm checking off my lists.

Before children I was not big on planning things. I was a much more laid back, take it as it comes kind of gal. The boys changed that to some degree. I had 2 little ones whose entire lives depended on what I was doing. And I adjusted. Still not a planner. No lists. I think the closest I would get is drawing out a map of a room so that I knew where I would place the furniture in it. It was something I had started doing as a child. It helped me place each piece, and move it around before actually having to move the heavy pieces. But that was as close to a list as I would get. No grocery lists either. It's true. I tried to make them sometimes, but I'd leave them at home, or in my purse and not look at them. My college roommates used lists (thanks Bon and Jill) but not me. Sometimes I would begin a list, but usually I would just put things that I had either already accomplished, or were nearly done with, like:

1. Make a list
2. Wake up
3. Brush my teeth
4. etc
5. etc

Just so I could cross things off. Really.

But now? Lists. Lots of them. Top of the list? Follow His plan. It's amazing that as I get more organized, the less freaked out I get when things don't go according to my own plan. Which I have definitely learned has never been the same as His plan. I'm learning.

I'm learning to listen. Listen to His plan. And be completely open to whatever He has in store for me, for Brian, and for my sweet children. The next couple of weeks promise some decisions and meetings that will test my ability to listen to Him. I'm up for the challenge. Because listening to Him---is second on that list, right after follow His plan. It will be the one list I will ever make where I won't be able to cross off the tasks on it. I'm ok with that.

I love it when Plans whether ours or Someone Else's come together. Don't you?

Side note...I know the word Plan is becoming over used by me these days. I plan on putting that on another list to work on.

The view from 103 stories...

5 Question Friday

Pictures Jodie, we want pictures! I know, I'm puttering along on those. You'd think that after an entire day of being at home yesterday, I would have worked on that. But alas, I am still empty handed. I assure you, there are pictures from our recent trip to Chicago, and a cute video of our cats juiced up on cat nip, as well as some sweet photos of our musician moon walking while playing his instrument.... I'll get to it---someday.

For now, just 5 question Friday. I don't remember where I first saw this. And at first I thought it was a cop out for doing an actual post. But after reading a few blogs with it, I discovered that I was wrong. Not a cop out at all! They were fun to read with the right questions!
Unfortunately, some of the questions I've been asked are a little too heavy for a light weight Friday afternoon...so I'll fill in some blanks.

If I could be anywhere, where would it be? Truthfully, there was a time that I would have said somewhere warm. A beach. Australia perhaps. Maybe even Europe. But now, the truth lies in wherever my family is. I really do like my house. All of the quirks and irks about it are homey and cozy to me. So a nice evening tucked in with the boys and B are right where I'd wanna be. (a fire crackling in the fireplace is necessary with the weather we've been having!)

Where would I like to travel? Of course, just because my favorite place to be is right at home does not mean that I have no desire to travel. That's crazy talk. B and I have a couple destinations planned out for future vacations, Seattle is one, we've always wanted to go to the NW. DC is another, I went there on my senior class trip, but I didn't appreciate it as much as I will as an adult. And I'm looking forward to our trip to New York! We made a deal with the Vulcans that we would all go together...so I'm excited for that day. My 40th or yours Eric? I can't remember? Just to name a few...

Favorite comfort food? Potatoes. Chips, fries, mashed, augratin, German, scalloped. Doesn't matter. I love them. Too much. Which is exactly why we rarely have any of those things in our house. MMMM, so good.

Biggest fear? This is a goodie. Given my dad's situation, that could have been my insty answer. But I've thought about this lately, and while I certainly am afraid of what is happening to him, that is not my biggest fear. My biggest fear is that I will never fully give my life to Christ. I say I do, and I pray to be able to, and in many instances I have given my trust to Him. But my entire life? That is tough. Not that I am not fully and endlessly devoted to our Savior. I believe with all I am that if I put my trust in Him, in all avenues of my life, I will be saved. I shall not want, and I shall have eternal life. That part is easy to believe! It is listening to Him, and following what HE wants for my life, and taking myself out of the equation in every way. I'm working on it, and I continue to strive to be a good Christian.

Why do I subject myself to a blog, especially when I both know, and don't know who is reading it? GREAT question. And again, this is something I battle with. It is exactly why I have had some lapses in my blogging. There are times that I have filtered what I say based on who I know is reading. And I do look over my photos and think twice about some of my content because I don't know who is reading. However, I ultimately come to the same conclusion. There are things that are private, and they remain private. And while I may hesitate letting some of you in on some of my feelings and opinions, almost to the point of not writing at all, I have prayed about my blogging. I took an absence and really prayed about whether or not I should continue writing. After taking some time off, I felt led to come back. I felt compelled to continue doing what I enjoy, and while some may argue that those who blog are trying to 'control' what others think. I believe the opposite. Some of you may read to spy-get some dirt, others may read to keep up on our family, and still some of you may read because you -like me- have a genuine interest in Christian women (and men) who take to public blogging (and potential criticism) because we ENJOY it. That's it! No strings attached! I expect nothing from my readers, in fact, if you don't like what I have to say, or you don't like me, please feel free to stop reading. No one is making you.
I certainly did not set out to have 'a following' and I wouldn't classify my blog as a must read by any means. However, I appreciate those of you who check in daily, weekly, and occasionally. And for those of you I don't know...if you have a blog of your own, please feel free to leave it in my comments, I'd love to check it out sometime!

Ok, that's all for now...wow, it actually turned into a full post too! I've been baby stepping into some projects that have taken a back burner, but now that we have a WHOLE entire room for me to work on them, I have no more excuses! And with a surprise day off from the store today, I think I'll kick it into gear!

It just isn't getting easier, when will it get easier?

I'm like an egg ready to crack. I didn't realize that until today. During GIFT, just the slightest innuendo about my dad's health, sprung tears to my eyes and I got choked up. I've been able to push it aside while I work, and while we are home together as a family, but our topic of discussion today brought him to the forefront for me. And it was hard to keep a brave face.

B and I visited my dad yesterday. He came home from the hospital again on Monday, so we checked in on him. He looked good. I was relieved. He looked far better than he did at Christmas, and it made his last hospital stay a little less scary for me. And then, he wrote 5 words (remember, he has no voice box, he can't talk, writing is our communication) that changed things for me. Not that my dad is Nostradamus, and I am certain he isn't moonlighting as God these days, but just his resolution to these 5 words was heart wrenching. It rendered me speechless, and I knew that if I even tried to muster any words, I would turn into a puddle. So I sat. And looked into my dad's face. I watched him watch me, and I suddenly saw what I hadn't wanted to see before. A man who has no control over what is happening to him. A man who has resolved himself to trust in the Lord, and who has given his life to Him. A man who has lost significant weight. Someone who has in just a matter of a year gone from strong, active, nimble and able, to...well.... not. He isn't the same. I didn't want to see that before. I had no choice yesterday.

Jodie, what were those 5 words? Yea, it pains me to write them, but here they are.

There will be an end

Umm

Yea

Certainly we don't know when that end will be. Could my dad have 30 more years in front of him? Not likely. Could he have 30 more months? That would be awesome. Will he have 30 more days? Lord help me, I hope so.

And then. We went to see him again today. And folks, he looked worse. 24 hours later, people. That's it. I mean, if Brian looked as though he were in pain every other day, I would be concerned. My dad looks weak and frail everyday, so when he is in visible pain every other time I see him.... The security I felt in seeing him yesterday GONE. Instantly. I couldn't say that to him, I had to put that brave face back on but, it seems like it is one step forward, 2 steps back.

I am praying that I am not watching my dad die. I am praying that after these appointments some miracle doctor is going to walk in the door and inject a miracle drug into my miracle father and he will live on. Healthy. We've seen miracles before right? I would settle for a realistic chance at healthy survival with chemo treatments. Yep, that is selfishly in my prayers.

On my way home from the gym last night I prayed in a way that I hadn't before. I prayed that God would help my dad use whatever information he is given to make a decision that is prayerful and right---that I've done. But what I hadn't done before, is ask for acceptance of if it. I saw in my dad's eyes his pain. Not just physical pain. The pain that this is causing his daughters, that hurts him I know. And I realize that this will not be an easy decision, no matter what direction he goes in. Chemo? No chemo? Not easy. The last thing he needs is for me or my sisters to impose our opinions and selfish desires on him. So I am praying for the ability to not inflict anymore pain on him when we meet with the oncologists. I pray to not be selfish in my interactions with him, and I pray that he knows that I support whatever decision he makes, and that if he maintains his decision that chemo isn't an option...then I pray to understand that. We still have 2 weeks before we'll have all our questions answered. 2 more weeks. Jeez.

And then of course, dear Lisa brought in a video to our discussion tonight that just brings me back to God. She is good like that. I am grateful for my days at Willow Creek Junior High. The days that brought me Lisa as a friend. I am grateful for t-ping Justin Jacobsen's house during her bday party all those years ago. I cherish this women, and all she stands for. She is amazing. If you feel so inclined to watch the video...please do!
Rob Bell

I'll work on photos again tomorrow. We've got Chi-town, Christmas, Cookies, concerts, productions, parties...wow. I'm working on it!

Not Me! Monday

** Creating a post on one day, intended to be posted the next day makes for a confusing entry! For those of you quick enough to my blog to have caught my mishmash of words--whoops! I've hopefully fixed it so it makes much more sense!


Not Me! Monday was born out of MckMama's desire to admit her imperfections w/o actually having to admit them. Are you ashamed for screening your mom's phone call simply because you wanted to finish watching a movie? Wishing you hadn't eaten an entire pecan pie over Thanksgiving? Feeling guilty about hiding out in the shower just to have a few moments of quiet? Don't be. That is what Not Me Monday is for!

I definitely did not get on the scale on Saturday and instantly regret 10 days of eating holiday foods and sweets! While I did not eat an entire pie myself, I certainly did not over do it on dips, and cheeseballs, left over turkey pot pie, and almond bark pretzels!

It was definitely not me who did not even go near a door Sunday much less consider going outside. It was just. too. cold. And because I was too wimpy to go outside, it was absolutely not me who shooed the boys out into the frigid MN winter to burn off some of the massive energy that they had stored up!

It wasn't me who made promises of photos in Monday's post that likely won't make it into the blog on time. I tried and tried to crop and rotate and twist and turn to add some spice to my photos only to come up empty handed. I guess I don't need more time!

And lastly, it was not me who fell completely apart after receiving a phone call from my sister late Sunday night that dad was being admitted into the hospital in the cities again. He has been vomiting for days and is in quite a bit of pain, so he was admitted to relieve his pain and get him on iv fluids. I am much too level headed and rational to let an unexpected admission to the hospital send me into a tail spin. I most certainly did not wake my husband up so that he could comfort me while I was not falling apart.

Thank God for husbands. Thank God for Him.

I'm not strong. I'm trying though.

It's over!

Christmas vacation ends tonight. That makes me sad. Our evenings of staying up way too late and mornings of sleeping in too late are over. Tomorrow we rise early and get ready for school. Blech.

We've had 10 days of wonderful vacation! Sledding, cousins, friends, WAY too much TV/video game time and WAY too many sweets! Reality kicks back in tomorrow, so I need to wrap my head around it.

We've had snow and rain and ice and sleet. We've had below zero temps and frozen windows. We've had hot chocolate and fires burning and we've cozied up in blankets.

We've invited buddies over, visited neighbors, played with cousins and traveled short distances to see friends and family.

We've shopped, wrapped, unwrapped, given and received gifts. We've eaten, and eaten and eaten and eaten. We've laughed, and snuggled, and tickled, and cuddled.

We've played board games and card games and mind games and snow games. We've taught our dog tricks, and given him baths.

We've baked and simmered, and stewed many meals. We've read books and done homework and practiced instruments.

We've said goodbye to 2009 and embraced 2010.

We've even found the camera cord! Yay us! Tomorrow I'll be able to share a month in photos with you! You're excited aren't you? Can't wait can you? The suspense is intolerable isn't it? I'm trying something new with my photos this time around...we'll see how they turn out!

1 trip

I would love love love if someone would teach our sweet pooch--who still rings the bells each and every time he wants to go outside---that he does not have to do his duties in 2 separate trips. He can indeed do both of his duties all in 1 trip outside.

In other words, he does not have to ring the bells, only to have me open the front door to a freezing gust of wind and snow. Then, moments later after having performed one deed or another, he will wimper and scratch at the door to be let in. So of course, I oblige. Good dog.

Then, no more than 5 minutes later he will return to said bells and ring them again. This time to perform the other deed. So again, for the 3rd time in no more 10 minutes I am opening a door to a freezing gust of wind and snow, with no fewer than 1 more trip back to this same door to let him back in again.

We encourage him to use the bells. We enjoy that he has found such a creative way to inform us of his need to relieve himself, which means that each time the bells ring, we must answer. And when no one else is home, or the kids are in bed--that means me.

This is where my plea comes in. Please, oh please Y-man, would you please do your deeds--in 1 trip. Thanks!